The Catt Box

 

'Email'

 

I love email....I really do. However, we all have email that we are 'not' in love with. And what can you do? Yes, we have a 'delete' button, and I use mine quite often. 

But wouldn't it be great if we could each have a list of rules that we present when we begin writing someone new? Wouldn't it be great to get it all up front what you do and do not like? Well, this is what my list would look like.....based on my own experience....and I bet you can relate to some of it.

Please...if we have exchanged awards or letters, or you have purchased something from me on eBay, don't automatically assume that I want to be put on a mailing list......or a mailing list on your website updates of every little thing that's new. I like knowing I have that option, if I want it. But please don't just take it upon yourself to put me on your mailing list and send me updates or a ton of forwards. Not everyone appreciates them...and I'm one of those people who don't appreciate it. 

It's very, very rare that I send someone a 'forward' of jokes and stories and poems. I don't have time to read them, and I won't deluge my friend's in-box with it. It's always nice to ask the person if they want to be included on a mailing list.

And if you are going to send forwards around, please be considerate and use your 'BCC' feature on your email. If you leave your friend's email addresses exposed to everyone, they end up on other people's mailing lists....and I've had that done to me...it's not fun.

Please don't attach music to your email to me. I am usually listening to the music I want to hear over my computer. Or perhaps I'm following something on TV.

 When I get a letter from someone with music, it messes up my own music. Then I have to mute my computer, then do a 'copy and paste' of the letter so I can get rid of the music. If I don't, then every time I go to that letter I'd have to wait for the music to download.....so, I usually have to copy the letter on a new message so I don't have to mess up the music I'm listening to. I don't need the bells and whistles and stuff...and 'scrolling' email stationary gives me 'motion sickness'.

I know a lot of people have music on their site. I don't have it on mine, but I really don't look for it with my email. I can mute my computer when I go to a site. And if you think everyone really likes music with a site and email, think again....nearly all my friends feel the same way. We hit that mute button. If you have a very graphic intense site, plus music, it will freeze up a computer really quick. This is not fun. And after a while, it's just not always a joy to hear the music....you should hear the musical tastes of some of the sites I've been to....you'd understand what I am saying.

And now a lot of sellers are using music on their auctions. I hit the back button immediately. They will never have me as a customer.

Please, I know you mean well, but please don't send me holiday greetings and gifs. I appreciate the thought, but I do not celebrate holidays of any kind....not any. 

We can't assume that everyone celebrates everything. If you do send them to me anyway, just know that I won't be putting these things on my site. We all have the right to celebrate or not to celebrate the holidays. I certainly wouldn't impose my beliefs on you. I wouldn't want to try to make you feel bad because of your right to celebrate. Please respect mine.

A lot of times, there are those who do nothing but send me forwards and jokes, etc. And I do try to write them a 'real' letter when I can. However, it's rare when I get a 'real' letter from them, if ever.. Then, if time passes and I've not written them, they want to know where 'I've' been! 

Well, if all you are going to do is send me forwards, then don't expect me to keep it in mind to write a 'real' letter to you....out of sight, out of mind. It can't be all one way, you know. 

As time passes and I see that I will not get a real letter, then I quit writing them. Why should I do all the real work and make the effort of an informative letter and all I get from them is a forward? 

When I take the time to write out a long letter, adventure, story, or experience, I like to be responded to. I don't expect a long email back, but at least some sort of response would be appreciated. Otherwise, I stop writing those long letters...what's the point? I have no clue how they were received, meaning, how the person reacted to it or thought of it. To me, it's little more than having a one-way conversation, and I grow very bored with that. I don't have the time to be the only one writing real letters, only to have them read and then deleted and forgotten. I think it's rude.

And please don't expect anyone to believe that sending 'forwards' is a way of thinking of that person. We all know we're only one of MANY on that forwarding list. There's nothing personal about it. 

So, if all you do is send forwards, don't expect a 'real' letter from me if YOU don't write them youself.

Please do not send me 'Hamster Dance'....I think it's stupid and I am not amused....and I can't get the song out of my head.

I never, ever, ever, ever, ever......never do chain mail....ever, never. I do not believe in it, it's stupid, it is annoying, and I wouldn't do that to my friends. I am in no way superstitious. If you insist on sending me a 'chain mail-like' story, or whatever, please know that I will not  forward it to anyone else...I won't even read the story  I won't do it...it will get deleted. 

This also goes for National Friendship Week, National Buddy Week, etc.

Don't drop off the face of the earth and then send me a 'mass mailing letter' asking me to go vote for you or for a friend in some contest. I don't  vote for anyone in those contests. And besides, I don't  participate in those 'voting contests'....and I certainly wouldn't ask you to go vote for a friend of mine or for myself. Besides, most of those places just want to harvest our email addresses. No thanks, we all get enough SPAM.

I can't believe I have to actually write this part. I don't know what ever happened to manners, but if I do research on the computer  for you or send you things that you requested...please acknowledge it....a simple two words would be great, like 'thank you', or that you received it. After all, I may have spent considerable time to do this favor for you. I do not think it's asking too much to hear a kind acknowledgment for my efforts. 

We are all busy, but I am never too busy to say thank you to someone for their kindness. I don't need a long letter or a big deal to be made of it, just let me know you have received it. If I do not hear from you I am left to think that you did not receive it. And it's rude to ask me to do something for you and then I have to write another letter asking if you have received it. Like I said, I know what busy is, but how long does it take to type two words....'thank you'?

Please, if you know that I am going out of town, don't bombard me with email. I don't mind one or two, but please try to imagine what I will be dealing with after spending time away from home....like un-packing and addressing issues here at home, sorting through snail-mail, getting my cats over their 'abandonment issues', getting my laundry under control, turning everything back on in the house, not to mention any unforeseen situations. 

Some of my closer friends will know that I am leaving town and others who do not know me have no idea, and they have sent email. But please try to understand that I have a lot of mail to deal with and I will be over-whelmed. The more mail I have to sort through, the longer it will take for me to get back with. If I know that someone is going out of town, I refrain from writing until they get back. I know they will have enough email to deal with....they'll catch up with me when they can.

I would appreciate it if you did not try to discuss religion with me. I am not going to argue religion with anyone. Don't stuff it down my throat, don't put your views onto me, don't start off having a great little friendship with me and then begin to preach to me. My religious beliefs are very serious and very, very personal to me. 

I am not a 'bumper-sticker-Christian' and don't wave a banner all over my site, and email, as to what I believe in. That is not how I am. I do not have to stuff it down your throat in order for you to believe that I am a Christian. I believe my actions will speak louder than my words, in this regard. I do not need to be 'saved' by you or anyone. I am not in a desperate need of being preached to by anyone. Just allow the way that I conduct myself towards you be enough to show you who I am.....do not start preaching to me.

Unless you know which side of the political fence I'm on, don't assume that your political 'forwards' are appreciated.

I never go to chat rooms. Please don't ask me to join you in one. I also do not do ICQ, Instant Messenger, or any other 'chat-like' programs. Please don't ask me to down-load it and use it with you. I find that it is not convenient for 'me' to use. It is not anything personal towards anyone else, it just isn't something that I am interested in. Email works best for me. I have a project or two that I am working on with my computer and that kind of an interruption would not be good. 

Besides, Instant Message keeps me confined to my computer, and email allows me the freedom to do what I need to do. I get to my emails when I can.

Please don't 'hit' on me. I am in a relationship and I'm not interested in cyber-romance. It's just not going to happen. I am not looking for anyone and I don't 'fall in love' easily. 

I have had some wonderful story-book romances in my life and my idea of romance and love does not include the computer. I am more realistic about things like that. 

Besides, some of these people have 'romances' with several people at the same  time....and, even if they do get together...they are just a click away from a brand new romance when the honeymoon is over with the person they're with, whether they are married to you or not. 

Sure, this sort of thing can happen 'without' the computer, but you have to admit, the computer is 'right there'....and if they found one person that way, they'll find someone else the same way. It's a lot easier and faster than getting into the car and going to the local bar. 

If you are a devotee, please don't attempt to contact me. If you are unclear as to who they are, please click here. And here are just a few of the reasons I don't want to hear from them....

Dear Mrs. Scrugg's,
If you have any pictures of any very attractive amputees, may you please e-mail them to me, i would be very gracious.
thanks

And here's another lovely request....

how about pictures of yourself revealing your legs, please, this is no joke just remember that. and if you don't want to give me pictures of your BEE-utiful legs,then please give me the best sight that shows you women showing their
amputations.  PLEASE

Need I say more??? There are many more, but I'm sparing you. 

Please don't ask me to join clubs and web rings. It's just something I am  not interested in. I can live without all the excess mail.

Please don't ask me to bake Lasagna and ship it to you. 

Please don't ask me to send a card or letter to one of your family members for their anniversary. I can't believe the people who actually do this to me. I don't know them, and besides, you won't do it for me when my anniversary rolls around.

Please don't ask me to go to web sites that piss you off and  write them letters or to leave nasty comments in their guestbooks. They have a right to have a website. I do not want the trouble that something like that can cause. 

If I don't like a site, I don't go there. They aren't coming to my site and complaining to me. I am realistic enough to know that a bunch of nasty comments over someone else's right to freedom of speech is not going to change the world or stop the actions of people. The world and it's problems are bigger than what we see on the internet. What are you going to do about all the problems in the world that aren't on a website?

Please don't write and ask me to go look at abused animals. I just can't stomach that sort of thing.

Please don't send me email asking me to boycott things....it's not going to happen. What about all those people who don't have computers? How would they be reached in order to join the efforts?  And I have never heard of a single thing being changed because of a bunch of email or websites about it. And did the boycotting of gas for three days years ago lower the price of gas?

 No! We cannot change the world through email, websites, and boycotting....you should see the mess down here in South Carolina with the flag issue. A lot of businesses are being hurt, and they are hurting their own people. They got what they wanted and they still aren't happy. 

Death, taxes, high gas prices, and politically incorrect people.....that's life. Don't get bent out of shape over the name of a baseball team or whether or not some TV preacher thinks that a doll is gay. And you can call me handicapped, a cripple, whatever...I am not going to throw a rod over it. 

Big companies do not do business via chain mail. Bill Gates, nor Disney, nor anyone else is going to give me a check if I forward email to my friends. I'm just not that stupid. 

If you want to believe this, go right ahead, just leave me off your list. When you make your money from this scam, then you can tell me 'I told you so'. I'm still waiting for the mention of one single person that made money from these schemes in the TEN YEARS I've been on a computer. 

And while I'm on the subject, no one is offering money for every email forwarded for some dying little girl without insurance....and signatures do not need to be collected to keep 'Touched By An Angel' on the air (personally, I can't stand the show or Della Reese and her racist attitudes).....and if you want to know which urban legends are true and which ones are false, go to this site http://www.snopes.com/ and check out the facts.

I just don't believe the desperate email sent to me with such nonsense and I strongly question the people who believe in them and actually pass them onto me. I don't have that sort of 'bleeding heart' or level or ignorance. Again, who in the world thinks that anything gets changed by way of forwarding such trash? I have much, much better things to do with my time than sit and forward such nonsense to people I like....besides, I don't want them to think I'm that naive.

And this one is a real big deal to me....I understand that people are very busy...and I don't expect anyone to get right back to me as soon as I write them. However, please don't receive a letter from me, ignore it .....wait a few weeks, then  write to me and ask me where I've  been. It's extremely rare that I owe you a letter. I'm one of those who tries to keep up fairly well with her email and likes to answer it as soon as possible. Nine times out of ten, I have written to you last. But I am not the one who 'disappeared'. If you do this to me, especially several times, expect to never hear from me again.

No...I don't know where you can get white ankle boots, an Elvis impersonator preacher who will marry you in Washington, DC, and I won't send you any pictures of attractive amputee women.

Angels...well, I don't 'do' angels. I believe in them...I believe that they are messengers of God and are spirit creatures...but, I don't want them on my site...I just have my own little thing about that. But don't let it offend you. I have an incredibly close friend who has the most beautiful angels I've ever seen on her site...and she doesn't take it personally or seem to be offended that I don't want them on my site. I do believe they exist, though. I just didn't want bombarded with 'angel' things that people expect for me to put on my site. Don't assume that all people are accepting of all things.

So please, don't be offended or think that I don't believe in their existence....it has nothing to do with that. 

Please don't email me under a different name and email address and name, ask me to send an award to a 'really good site', and later on I find out that it was your site all along. I am a very generous person with my awards....this kind of trick isn't necessary. And if I do find out that you've done this to me, this is the award you'll be getting from me...

Please don't write me a letter telling me that if I go to your site and sign your guestbook and buy your book on domestic abuse that I will get blessed by God.  God doesn't have an exclusive book deal with you or anyone like that. And if he did, all he'd have to do is arrange an appearance on Oprah and the book would sell by the millions....I seriously doubt that God is watching to see who signs your guestbook and buys your  book. 

Please don't start off having a great, growing friendship with me, suddenly stop writing to me, then only write to me to tell me all about your 'new' friend and how much you are doing with them, having no time for me anymore. That is very rude. If you want to stop writing to me, stop writing to me.....there is no need to shove someone else down my throat and make me feel like I 'didn't rate'....or that I am not as valuable. 

Don't try to 'pimp' your book to me under the guise of trying to 'raise public awareness on domestic abuse'....the public is very well aware of domestic violence. Unfortunately, a lot of people just try to sell their book and / or try to get visitors to their site by using this ploy. They also try to use religion and blessings and all kinds of stuff just to get what they want. Domestic abuse problems are much bigger than the telling of a story or the selling of a book or the signing of a guestbook. 

I am just amazed at the stuff people will write to me in order to get a book sale. If they really want to help with domestic abuse 'with their book', then why not donate the proceeds to a 'safe home' for battered and abused women? If they want me to look at their site, why not just ask me to come look at it...instead of portraying themselves as someone who has all the answers or the solutions to this situation? I quickly lose interest when they start on all this other stuff. 

I lived most of my life in domestic violence...I am realistic about what can and cannot be done about it....the snow jobs and 'flowery sentiments' don't work with me....it's insulting. I have a real problem with people who set themselves up as 'havens' or as some kind of 'mother confessor' and just want to wallow in the attention they are receiving. 

While writing this rant, I actually received another chain letter...this one was particularly stupid, to me. It had a poem in it...about drunk driving. At the end of the letter it tells me that after 5,000 signatures are collected, it will be given to the President. 

Okay, then what? What is the President supposed to do with a short poem and 5,000 signatures? And when the 5,000th signature is added, is THAT person supposed to print all this out and send it to the President?...the letter never said WHO was going to send this to the President. And it had no mention of an email address of the person who started this...you know, the one who assures that it will reach the President. 

Let me guess...public awareness on drunk driving....right? Well, if the very thought that while driving drunk you could cause the death of yourself or someone else doesn't keep you from driving drunk, how are stiffer laws going to assure that you won't? The public is quite aware of the problem of drunk drivers. 

And again, what action is the President supposed to take? All he'd get, if it ever actually made it to the President, is a poem with 5,000 signatures of people. What are they asking for? What does it mean? What is he supposed to do? 

Again, I'm not that stupid. All this kind of stuff does is waste my time. I can do without the garbage that insults my intelligence. No, this is not 'in fun'....what is fun about lying to people and clogging up their email with meaningless junk?

Do not send me an email of questions to fill out about my likes and dislikes. Some of these emails have up to 75 questions. The only time I answered them was during one week, a while ago...I answered three of these. They came from three different people and at different times of the week.

 I answered them .....all of them... and sent them back to the people who sent them to me like they asked me to do. And not one single person even acknowledged it. I got no response, no acknowledgement of it at all. I even directed some of my answers to fit the individual that I was sending it back to. I wanted to add some whimsy, make them laugh, see how they enjoyed it. Nothing. And today I received the exact same one from one of the same people who sent it to me before.....uh-uh...no way. I will not do these any more. And yes, they did receive it the first time around, I asked. There has only been one person to acknowledge one of these.....thank you, Shari.

This one really gets to me. (I touched on it above) There are some people that I have written to that never answer my mail. You know what I'm left to think?....did they get it? Did I offend them some how? Were they amused? And then, when I do hear from these individuals....no mention of what I had written. I have had wonderful things that have happened to me, wrote to friends about it, and heard no response on it....which I think is very rude. Or I have written about sad things, same thing. I am left to wonder how I am being received.

Personally, my mail sits in my mailbox until I have answered it. That way I know if I have responded, no guessing. I will answer a person's letter, referring to it several times, to make sure I have responded to the main issues. But what am I supposed to do?...bug them about my letter...?...ask them if they have received it? Ask them what they thought about certain things in my last letter....which is like writing it all over again? What if they are just being 'polite' and ignoring it? I mean, you never know what will bother some people....look at this rant!

I found a very interesting website on Netiquette....it's worth checking out.

These are my rants and gripes...I don't expect you to agree with me...you probably have a list of things that get under your skin, too.

 

Copyright June 24, 2000 Cathy Palmer-Scruggs / Catt Alexander