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The Devil's AdvoCAT!

 

"Lu C. Furr"

 

 

It started out like any other day. I had set out to clean the house. The cats had trashed it, as usual, and things needed to be put back in order.

 

There were the typical unpleasantries....hair balls, mounds of hair everywhere, cat toys galore, and the garbage had been raided by Cecil, of course.

I began to clean and grumble out loud with each discovery of what the cats had done to the house.
That's when it happened.
I was complaining about a hair ball when suddenly there was a growling sound in the room. A puff of red smoke began to grow from the floor boards.
And then he appeared with a bolt of lightening and a roar of fear-inspiring thunder .....

The AdvoCAT....The Devil's AdvoCAT.

 

I stood there for a moment, frozen with astonishment. Who on earth was this strange looking red flannel cat and what did he want?

 

In the most soothing British accent, this red entity began to speak to me.
"Pardon the intrusion, O mighty keeper of these two fine predacious quadrupeds, but did you ever stop to consider WHY a feline does what it does? Did it ever occur to you that perhaps there is another way of looking at things?"

Great. Now I had to engage in conversation with one of the devil's minion, who's mission was to defend my cat's orneriness.
I figured it wouldn't do any harm to hear him out, so I listened.

 

 

He introduced himself to me as Mr. Lu C. Furr.
I watched him as he led me to the far end of the kitchen to point out the newest hairball. As he walked I studied his odd appearance.

 

He stood about 20 inches tall from his feet to the tip of his black horns....but he was a full 23 inches tall if you included his heavy wood and metal pitchfork.

 

His 27 inch bifurcated tail snaked gracefully around his feet when he stood still.

His long black lined cape with the stiffened collar was menacing. It was dragging the floor behind him, but instinctively, Cecil and Simon knew better than to pounce upon it.
The cape was tied in the front. Situated upon the black ribbon ties was a small metal cat charm.

 

As he began to speak again, I couldn't help but to notice his facial features. His yellow cat eyes were frightening. And his wire whiskers seemed to convey that he was not a 'cuddly' type of cat.

Mr. Lu C. Furr explained...."Hairballs. Everyone complains about 'the hairball'. But, if I may play The Devil's AdvoCAT, expelling a hairball is quite necessary. Cat hair can't be digested. It builds up in the stomach. Can you imagine all the problems your cat would have if he DIDN'T cough up a hairball? Do you really want to deal with all the vet bills to take care of the repercussions of your cat NOT being able to expel them?
I didn't think so.
And, if the truth be known, if you groomed your cats more often, they'd have fewer hairballs. So, in reality, it's YOUR fault your cats puke hairballs.
You didn't think of it like that before, did you?"

As much as I didn't want to believe it, he did have a good point.

 

Next, Mr. Lu C. Furr motioned to a gathering of loose cat hair under some furniture. He continued to explain...
"I suppose the grumbling never ceases about the excess cat hair. Again, if you groomed your cats more often, this would decrease dramatically. Also, if your cats didn't shed, their hair would grow like Poodles. Poodles aren't shedders....but, you have to groom their continuously growing hair. Do you really want to add grooming expenses to your budget?
And, if cats couldn't shed, their hair would be matted and long. Imagine THAT nightmare.
You might as well raise sheep.
So, if you think about it, your cats are doing you a FAVOR by shedding excess hair. And the more hair on your furniture, as well as UNDER your furniture, the less hair is in his stomach, which means fewer hairballs."

Again, good point.

 

Then the Devil's AdvoCAT showed me the array of cat toys all over the house. He proceeded to explain them, too.
"Your cats play like kittens. Do you have any idea how lucky you are? What if they were in comas? You'd be wishing you had the problem of finding cat toys scattered about."

And with that I couldn't help but to bring up the fact that I could spend lots of money on cat toys, yet my cats seem to have more fun with tea bag wrappers and ink pens.
Of course, this sent the Devil's AdvoCAT on another round of explanations.
"Your cats are merely trying to save you money by showing you that it's the 'little things' that count the most. They don't need expensive toys, they're only looking out for your best interest, and yet you're upset when they snub the toys you've purchased."

Somehow, the Devil's AdvoCAT made me feel guilty. He began to make me second-guess and question all the other things I deal with by having two cats.

What about waking us up in the middle of the night by exploring the bedroom or racing through the house and leaping like Gazelle all over the place?
"They're nocturnal. They're merely sharpening their hunting skills. You wouldn't want them to be couch potatoes ALL the time, would you? What if you had mice in the house?....wouldn't you appreciate that your cats could still hunt them successfully?"

They bring bugs to me from the basement. That freaks me out. What's the deal with the bugs?
"Gifts. They are gifts. You bring your cats treats, right? Well, they're returning the favor."

Cecil has to be laying on everything I'm working on....my dolls, boxes of my supplies, you name it, he's gotta lay on it.
"He wants to be close to you. He's taking a keen interest in what you're doing. He wants to be part of the creative process."

It was no use. No matter what I brought up, the Devil's AdvoCAT turned and twisted things around and presented them in another light.
But believe me, THAT was no consolation...after all, even the Bible said that Satan keeps transforming himself into an angel of light.

Eventually the Devil's AdvoCAT left the room in the same cloud of smoke in which he appeared. He's definitely had an impact on me, though.... now when my cats are ornery or I have to clean up a hairball, I can't help but to think of the Devil's AdvoCAT...and now that you've seen him, you'll think of him, too.

I'd love to see him come back one day and explain the virtues of of Cecil's habit of shredding toilet paper and paper towels....

 

 

 

Copyright July 4, 2004 Cathy Palmer-Scruggs / Catt Alexander

 

A super special thanks to eBay seller imosh for the cat charm.

 

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My dolls are not for everyone, they are my art. If you are offended, I suggest you hit the back button. It will not do you any good to write me 'hate mail'. 

In spite of the dolls I create and the stories I write, I do not use recreational drugs, I don't smoke cigarettes, and I don't even drink alcoholic beverages.